Happy new year everyone!

I was 115 before xmas and now I am at about 118-123 throughout the day after eating and drinking. I feel so ashamed of myself and so angry that I cant do better. When im starving or when im eating healthy or when im binging on beer and chips on weekends i cant seem to break past 115. I think its time to start exercising more.

How do you ladies deal with going to the gym? I feel fat and horrendous and even the bigger people i see at the gym i say 'THEYRE in better shape then me. I cant be seen here!! This is only for good looking people or people who can exercise!'. I struggle with thinking that everyones watching me, that everyone can hear me breathing hard or see that im sweating...I used to love going to the gym-when i lived a block away from it and i could just run home after and shower there. When i could afford a personal trainer and wasnt afraid of walking fast on an incline on a treadmill for 2 hours straight watching ABDC. Now im scared. I live a 20 min bus ride away now-from my schools gym (free gym). I cant afford to go to the yoga studios near by or get a trainer. I have no friends who would want to go to the gym with me and honestly i dont want to go with any of them and for them to see my fat jiggle. I hate showering at the gym because i have to blow dry, then straighten my hair, carry a ton of clothes, separate shoes...Then i have to bus home-and i dont want to be that smelly girl sitting next to someone on the bus :X

How do people do this without a car???!!!

p.s. Cant run outside, its way below zero degrees here.

Nobodies been posting in a while,i hope everyones doing okay, but i need somewhere to vent so here goes (sorry, this might get a bit lengthy!)

I was doing so well until she turned up, and by 'she' i mean a friend of mine who's had an eating disorder for about 4 years and is still trying very hard to overcome it. Didn't take her long to realize what i was doing a while back yet she ended up going to a uni far from me so never really worried about it. Until now. Yup, she came back for christmas and now she's trying to make me fat!! Trying to make me see a doctor and asking hundreds of questions, of course, i lie. Yet she can see through the lies and it's breaking my heart treating her like this, she was always a close friend of mine ever since I was 3 and now i have no choice but to ignore her to avoid the questions. Everything came to a head last night and she demanded answers, so once again i lied yet it ended with her saying LIER at me and that she was only trying to help. We both attended a dance school and she joined in while she was back, so i've just spent the past 45 minuets in hell. I can't even look her in the eye anymore and everyone loves her so the whole class was speaking to her, except me. It hate not being able to make this all okay! I couldn't face saying goodbye ... so i didn't. She leaves on sunday, yet with the snow she may be here longer and i just can't face it. It hurts so, so much for me to treat her like this and i know that she's making herself worse which is bad considering she WANTS to get better. EUGHH! what do you do with people like this?! Only option i can see is to cut myself from her life... something that will break my heart and maybe hers. Anyone who bothered to read all that with any thoughts of what i could do i'd be grateful for.

Sorry about that, i hope you're all staying strong and thin!
MuchLovee
x

2amtomorning
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I've reached my first goal weight. 100 pounds yay! I guess I'm pretty of happy about it but I don't feel as excited as I thought I would. But I am happy because I know that if I could reach my first goal, I can reach my second goal (especially now that the holidays are over!!)

Just picked up some size THREE pants
:)

down from a five,
boooyyahhh!

5'3"

CW: 113
HW: 135
LW: 112
GW: 100

I woke up this morning feeling fat and bloated. I got oatmeal from Starbucks. Comes with brown sugar, dried fruit and almonds (each wrapped separately). I used a quarter of each and even had oatmeal leftover that I didn't eat.

I looked at old pictures and thought, "haha, I am so glad I don't have those arms anymore." Then looked at my right arm. I've lost over 10 lbs, why can't these f'n arms look better? I compare myself to these two old friends of mine, who are beautiful and skinny. I'm 113 today, still have fat, still have 36D boobs, and I look 130 compared to them. WHY??? Is my scale broken? LOL

Right so today it's new years eve (well it is in the UK, not sure where some of you are out there)
Just wondering that everyones new years resolutions are going to be?

mine? well number 1) lose weight, think thin and stay thin this time!
2) Post more on this!
3) Concentrate a lot more on my dancing! (burns calories too!! )
4) Be happy? well make myself happy, not what anyone tries to tell me if being under 100 lbs is making me happy then under 100 lbs i shall be! (:

Hears to a happy and thin new year guys and girls!
Good luck in 2010, stay strong and starve on!
xx

Why is it that people always tell you how you can lose weight, then once you've lost the weight, they tell you that you need to gain more? Make up your mind.. Better yet, either be happy for me, or shut the hell up!

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So i just got back home (to Vancouver) and im watching TV and I see an add for a show called "Big Happy Family" or something-a show about a family of extremely large African American's with a catchline along the lines of 'trying to fit in' or 'accepting' i guess.

Has anyone else seen this? Im not sure what its about--are they trying to show that "big people are normal/happy/great too"?? Or "the struggles of being larger"?? (which seems a bit insulting) or is it a health show on changing their lifestyles? I watch a lot of shows on bigger or very unhealthy people (Big Medicine, You Are What You Eat...) because its motivating to NOT become that way, but this show really rubs me the wrong way...like they are trying to show America that big people have feelings too? And that theyre fine and happy the way they are??? All I can think about is the health issues coming down the line in association to their weight and it makes me feel sad...

Have you seen any situations where people are emphasizing how great it is to be a bigger person?
I dont mean slightly chubby, or curvy models, i mean obese.
How does it make you feel? Awkward? Confused? Sad? Happy?

Hey! How has everyone been over the busy season?
I dont celebrate christmas so i visited with my SO's family during that time (Im jewish). We had a ton of absolutely fantastic food that I purged up afterwards because he lives in a lovely three story house with a bathroom on the top floor. I feel like the more great food im offered, the more willing i am to binge. At least it didnt turn in to a big issue. Anyone else have this coping mechanism?

How did everyones' holidays go? How are you going to deal with new years? Please tell me anything and everything! I like to keep this community busy and chatting and getting to know one another. I am going to a friends and we usually either stay in or go out to a club-either way we get pissed drunk-which is not awful when you dont eat and you drink gin and tonics, but then after i always want to binge. Does anyone have any tips or tricks for dealing with large groups of friends?

I know this is a goofy question but im at my SO's right now and am tipsy off a shot of gin with diet ginger ale. I just got back from a weeks Vaca and i want to see how everyone is doing. It seems we have some new members but i havent been able to go back and check everything!!!

p.s.
Anyone got any good boxing day/week shopping? I got a nice winter bomber jacket in small...what a goofy sizing, i am def a medium not a small. I feel sorry for the 'real' small girls, it must be awful to find like an xxxs.

Usually I hate winter break and the holidays, but I've been so busy lately that I've hardly had anytime for food. I had to buy presents, make presents, and work on my portfolio while I was at home. Fortunately most of the friends that I have been hanging out with during the break are obsessed with being skinny, so eating is never an issue when I'm out with them. I usually feel very lonely on Christmas Eve and Christmas, as I'm sure a lot of you do too, and this year wasn't much different. I love the days leading up to Christmas, but the day before and the actual day itself are miserable, and loneliness usually causes me to eat a lot. I binged a lot on Christmas and I'm scared that I've gained, but I still have no scale to weigh myself on. Hope you all had happy holidays.

back to 110 after drinking and eating...i went low carbing for a while so when i got drunk i decided i missed bread and ate like a half a loaf of it...i never thought id miss it that much. inhibitions about food go out the window and i pig out. so ya all my good work out the window.

I would love if someone had same stats as me and would work together :)

ok........i have had anorexia for 3 damn years.. how is it that i am at my heaviest weight at just a bit over 100? ok yah. im 17... i hit puberty...boobs..hips.. thighs....blah blah......oh and that stupid relationship that made me eat eat eat......well now i have bulimia too..she has helped..but ana is disappointed in me....ill find that girl thaat was 92pounds..i MUST find her..............